sneaker

Sometimes I deliberately break wind around people just to see if they notice.

Forgive me, Father, but whenever I look at the logo for the Catholic Church’s Archdiocesan Youth Commission from 1970, I see terrible things.

please hold

One time at work when I took a call from a telle-marketer, I stood up, placed the receiver firmly between my butt cheeks and farted triumphantly.

ladyboy

An uncomfortable portion of my t-shirt repertoire is made up of ladies sizes.

shart

I can recount at least two occasions where I have attempted to fart and partially shat myself.

Life is beautiful.

urinal with a view

In my one-person, no-bathroom hostel room in London, I couldn't be bothered walking down the hall to the loo, so I pissed in the sink.

Once bitten forever smitten.

underglory

I loved your dog with rabies haircut. I didn't mean to upset your feelings. It looks sexy. Can I see your underwear? Boxers or briefs...? Boxer briefs?
xx

love thy lycra

Leggings are not pants.
If you wear leggings as pants, with out a lengthy robe to cover your privates, you are donkeys ass.
Lycra is a privileged. Not a right.
You have not earned the privilege.
Put on pants.

bells

I cleaned up the clothes you left in the change room, and I found your pretty necklace. I held the necklace and watched you leave the store. Then I put on your necklace.
Hope it wasn't sentimental or anything...

black thoughts

You see me dressed in black. Multiple piercings, black eyeliner, hair in my face, crouched over all sad and lonely. Typical emo.
Little do you know I'm listening to Mariah on my ipod.

eyes of sin

I watched High school musical 1
then 2
then 3...
I loved them all

not sweating it

Even though I had been running for over 50mins, I did not want to give you the pleasure of having a treadmill, let alone mine. skinny bitch. So I walked ridiculously slow, the type of slow you walk when cooling down from a long run...and you thought I was going to finish any minute. But I didn't I just kept walking...and you were so distracted stalking my treadmill, that you missed the one that opened up at the other end! Ha. Then I started to run again...