sneaker

Sometimes I deliberately break wind around people just to see if they notice.

Forgive me, Father, but whenever I look at the logo for the Catholic Church’s Archdiocesan Youth Commission from 1970, I see terrible things.

please hold

One time at work when I took a call from a telle-marketer, I stood up, placed the receiver firmly between my butt cheeks and farted triumphantly.

ladyboy

An uncomfortable portion of my t-shirt repertoire is made up of ladies sizes.

shart

I can recount at least two occasions where I have attempted to fart and partially shat myself.

Life is beautiful.

urinal with a view

In my one-person, no-bathroom hostel room in London, I couldn't be bothered walking down the hall to the loo, so I pissed in the sink.

Once bitten forever smitten.

underglory

I loved your dog with rabies haircut. I didn't mean to upset your feelings. It looks sexy. Can I see your underwear? Boxers or briefs...? Boxer briefs?
xx