sneaker

Sometimes I deliberately break wind around people just to see if they notice.

Forgive me, Father, but whenever I look at the logo for the Catholic Church’s Archdiocesan Youth Commission from 1970, I see terrible things.

please hold

One time at work when I took a call from a telle-marketer, I stood up, placed the receiver firmly between my butt cheeks and farted triumphantly.

ladyboy

An uncomfortable portion of my t-shirt repertoire is made up of ladies sizes.

shart

I can recount at least two occasions where I have attempted to fart and partially shat myself.

Life is beautiful.

urinal with a view

In my one-person, no-bathroom hostel room in London, I couldn't be bothered walking down the hall to the loo, so I pissed in the sink.

Once bitten forever smitten.

underglory

I loved your dog with rabies haircut. I didn't mean to upset your feelings. It looks sexy. Can I see your underwear? Boxers or briefs...? Boxer briefs?
xx

love thy lycra

Leggings are not pants.
If you wear leggings as pants, with out a lengthy robe to cover your privates, you are donkeys ass.
Lycra is a privileged. Not a right.
You have not earned the privilege.
Put on pants.

bells

I cleaned up the clothes you left in the change room, and I found your pretty necklace. I held the necklace and watched you leave the store. Then I put on your necklace.
Hope it wasn't sentimental or anything...

black thoughts

You see me dressed in black. Multiple piercings, black eyeliner, hair in my face, crouched over all sad and lonely. Typical emo.
Little do you know I'm listening to Mariah on my ipod.

eyes of sin

I watched High school musical 1
then 2
then 3...
I loved them all

not sweating it

Even though I had been running for over 50mins, I did not want to give you the pleasure of having a treadmill, let alone mine. skinny bitch. So I walked ridiculously slow, the type of slow you walk when cooling down from a long run...and you thought I was going to finish any minute. But I didn't I just kept walking...and you were so distracted stalking my treadmill, that you missed the one that opened up at the other end! Ha. Then I started to run again...

Sinning Schoolgirl

Forgive me,
It was I who removed and took the USB drive,
you left it in thy computer when you went to the bathroom,
I took it,
looked at all your photos,
posted the ones you took for your high school boyfriend on Myspace
then threw it in the bin.

Forgive Me

Duff man

Forgive me good Lord,

I listened to Hilary Duff's 'beat of my heart' song the other day...
and I liked it.

Cleanse my soul.

Lazy Days

Forgive me, for I am the epitome of the sin of Sloth.

Each day, I wake up early only to stretch, yawn, and then go back to sleep.

Each day, I tell myself that I will do something productive, but end up sitting around in my pajamas passing time on the computer or reading a book.

I should be doing this. I should be doing that. I NEED to do something, but I continue to sit here, in my pjs, watching the days pass me by.

This is my sin.

Forgive me for being so flat

Is it wrong that I wanted to leave him in the middle of no where because he had a flat tyre? I mean he's a boy. His boyfriend is a boy. Aren't boys meant to be able to change flat tyres? I didn't want to help thy neighbour, it was too cold and wet outside. Forgive me. 

Facebook forgiveness

Forgive me father for when being wronged by a gentlman friend, proceeding to access their facebook page and continue to judge them, along with my fair ladies, by the company they keep, social events they attend and how photogenic they appear in photographs. This is cruel, but why does it feel so satisying?

Thy shalt not find joy in the suffering of others...

Thy must confess to occasionally allocating time in my day to "gossip" about the misfortunes of others. Although enjoyable and at times rewarding, the older I get the more petty I realise I am, forgive me father for I have sinned, over and over again. If I continue discussing the events of other people's lives can I just keep confessing and being forgiven?

Thou shalt not be jealous......

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

Can thou be ridiculously jealous of their neighbour's beauty?
I am your friend, but when people say to me, 'oh she's so pretty what's her personality like?' I usually lie and say, 'Oh she's kind of boring you know, she uses her looks to get what she wants....' when really I think your gorgeous inside and out.

Forgive me?

12 years since my last confession. Forgive me, father...

Sometimes I claim to know a guy but I can't tell you what his hands look like.

Saturday Morning Sins

Forgive me Father for I have sinned once again. I could have worked from 9 last weekend. My only plans for the morning were sleeping. But I was angry. Angry that for 4 weeks they knew I started at 9, but it never crossed their mind to double check the roster and notice they had also asked me to  start at 12. They f'ed up Father. They f up all the time and I hate it. My bed was more deserving of my presence last Saturday morning, not Myer. So that's where I was. In bed, because my bed never f's up Father. 

An Efront to Society

As much as I claim to hate him, his acting, his singing, anything about him really...I find Zac Efron not only extremely good looking, but a decent actor and singer.

Lord forgive me.

Postulant Procrastinator

If something needs to be done, I procrastinate. I read, eat, wander and occasionally clean to avoid the unavoidable. Even now as I confess I am sinning.

Thou shall not...

God is not the only one who sees what your doing. I've seen you do it and if you think I haven't noticed what you've taken from me, I have. You seem so innocent and nice in the sunlight and this dark secret that I know has been eating away at my thoughts and our friendship. All I ask is that you please stop, just stop stealing.  

This Little Piggy

It has been 23 years since my last confession: Every time I stay at my boyfriend's place, I make sure everything is tidy before I leave, only because my own house is a total pig sty. I'm only tidy at other people's houses.

This is my first confession, although I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell.
I have watched you for 3 years, I think you're beautiful in an ugly sort of way.
Maybe you've watched me too?

Wine Time

It has been 1 day since my last confession. On the weekend I took the Lords drink in vain and consumed far more than my mortal body could hold. As I hang my head above the toilet bowl in shame, I ask for forgiveness. 

Snotty Sinner

Forgive me father for I am constantly sinning...
It's a dirty habit, with a clean intention and for
some reason I just can't kick it.I have a plethora of
nasal mucus that lurks insides my nose, tempting me
to pick pick pick it out.
In the safety of my car- I pick,
whilst waiting at that traffic lights - I pick
and sometimes if I'm bored by the
conversation occuring- I pick!
I just want a snot free snoz...

Dashboard Confessional

I recognised you in the car park the other day. I remembered I didn't like you, and I especially didn't like that you were stalking me for a park. I wasn't really going back to the shops, I just didn't want to give my car park to you. You bitch.